Once upon a time, there was a man.  His name was Fuck Ass of Piss Shit, and he was decidedly the fuckest ass in all of the goddamn world.  His father, King Fuckest Ass of Piss Shit, was the king of the land of Piss Shit.  His mother, Queen Fuck Assest of Piss Shit, was the biggest fucking whore around.  One day, Fuck Ass was wandering the shit-smeared street around his castle, Greasy Cunt Lane, when he came to a fucking black street vendor.  Said he:

“Boy. Hey, boy!  How much for a goddamn drink?”

To which the damn son of a bitch responded:

“One fucking dollar.”

Fuck Ass saw, in this, an opportunity.  He dug into his filthy pocket which smelled like pussy, and pulled out a fucking dollar, and 99 motherfucking cents.

“Keep the change, ya rectum-reaming pile of twat gash.”

The black took the 99 motherfucking cents, nonplussed that he had to carry around some goddamn change with him all day.  What a fucking pain in the ass.  Fuck Ass took his drink, a big fucking glass of Ejacul-Aid.

Finishing his glass of jizz, Fuck Ass threw the cum-encrusted glass on the street, yelling something about cock sucking in his own ass shit.  Just then, a fucking piece of shit piss and sperm guzzling whore ran by and stepped on the fucking glass, cutting up her dirty, Gypsy foot.

“Watch where you’re going, you Chechen blowjob queen!”

The walking vagina turned to face him.  He saw her face practically begging for his load, and asked her out on a fucking date with the full intention of impregnating her 20 times over and shoving his head in her ass and then twisting it.

The dumb fucking bitch didn’t have a say in the matter, because she was a woman.

They went on a date to his favorite fucking restaurant, Jew Guts on a Platter. Fuck Ass and his new sex toy walked over to the table.  Fuck Ass sat down.  This dumb bitch stood there as though expecting Fuck Ass to pull out the chair for her own fuck ass.

“Bitch, fuck your ass.”

She sat down.

“So, the fuck’s your damn name?” quizzed Fuck Ass, none too interested in the answer.

“Gurglingcum Fourdicksinmysnatch.”

“Gurglingcum… what ethnicity is that?”


“Ah, I hear your people are worthless,” Fuck Ass mused.

“Yes.  My mother was sold at market after she was fucked in the ass by a one-eyed dog with herpes.  She was then skinned and turned into a bag.”

“And your father?”


“I’m sorry to hear that,” he fibbed.

The waiter finally fucking came.  They ordered some fucking drinks.

“And for your shitty cock piss main course?” asked the waiter.

“The Cockincunt platter.  It sounds fucking good as shit, because it’s supposed to sound like ‘cocunut,’ but it’s actually ‘cock in cunt.’  It’s like they have a horny twelve-year-bitch bastard writing this menu while beating off into the fucking salad.” replied Fuck Ass.

“Don’t I get a say?” asked Gurglingcum.

“No, now shut the goddamn son of a fucking pussy rimjob cunt stretching fuck faggot corn spook up.”

A half hour passed with nary a fucking word between them.

“You know I can suck the jizz out of your cock in less than 30 goddamn seconds?” Gurglingcum blurted out.


“Yeah.  I stroke your fucking cock with my slut bitch tongue and then use my trollop hands on your balls, and then bite the head of your dick.”

“That sounds great.”

They smiled at each other.

“Can I buy you another menstrual blood and sperm cocktail?” Fuck Ass asked with a wry smile.

Their meal came.  As it turned out, Cockincunt looked nothing like they expected.

“This looks like a dead Albanian with shit for brains!” exclaimed Gurglingcum.

“What other kind is there?” reasoned Fuck Ass.

She conceded the point, as it was true.  They feasted on their meal.

“Holy fucking shit, that was so goddamn good I nearly blew my load out of my ass.  That shit was so motherfucking perfect I wanted to take the knife I used on the shit brain and stick it up my asshole and slice it so I have a giant anal wound filled with Albanian shit.  Then I’d shit out my dick onto a spoon and feed that to my dog so he throws the fuck up and then eat the throw up that would now taste like an Albanian shit brain puree.”

“Cock cunt pussy fuck anal bead fisting spacedocking dick lick piss drinking ass ravaging with a 40” dildo covered in cunt juice,” agreed Gurglingcum.

They fled the diner without paying and Gurglingcum gave Fuck Ass a blowjob in the car that felt like it was being performed by an Albanian and a Chechen at the same time, thanks to the fresh Albanian shit brain on Gurglingcum’s useless Chechen tongue.  He came in her hair 14 times until she was nothing more than a pile of jizz.  Then he raped every hole he could find on her and used the Albanian shit brain covered knife to cut new holes and fucked those too.  They stopped by the edge of a tall hill.

“I don’t want you to get pregnant,” said Fuck Ass.

After all, he already had 14 kids who he had abandoned prior.  To make sure she wouldn’t get pregnant, he threw her off the hill and watched her die.